Ziva stop pinching my butt!
by Precious Pup
Summary: McGee and Ziva in the lift and McGee has a awkward confrontation to make.Title says it all.


I do not own the characters or any of their cool stuff i.e Tim's Porsche .All I have is NCIS Season Two which I just got for Christmas and you can't have that!

Please review my very first fanfic ever. Not even sure if I can't work out how to load it!

The lift doors closed and Tim took a deep breath, gathering the courage to say what had to be said, and said now in the relative privacy of the enclosed space.

'Ziva, I need you …….

'Yes McGee?' Ziva interrupted him and turned to face him and Tim hurried on, his ever analytical mind trying not to think of what she might read into that if he didn't continue,

…… to stop pinching my butt.'

Ziva smiled up at him and gave his cheek a gentle slap. 'McGee, I did not pinch your butt. Perhaps it was that new girl in Administration. I think she has a Thing for you. Yes?' Ziva looked up to him for confirmation. McGee had been prepared for a lot of things but a flat out denial was not one of them. Not from Ziva, she would admit to her actions, good or bad. Always.

Tim's words tumbled out in a rush as his head tried to assimilate Ziva's answer into all the proposed scenarios he had worked out in the two hours prior to stepping into the lift alone with Ziva.

'But you did pinch my butt, in fact more than once, three times in fact and hard and that's why you need to stop because ….. because well I'm starting to bruise, my skin is kind of sensitive and damn you pinch HARD! In fact I'm getting black and blue all over and if you continue I won't be able to sit down properly and then Tony will start up because he would have to notice something like that and then I will never hear the end of it. And I can't even consider mentioning that I can't sit down because my butt is bruised! Well you can see how THAT would go down with Tony and he won't believe that you were pinching my butt, I mean why would he? In fact that's a good question. Why Ziva?' McGee turned to Ziva, stepping closer to her, slightly out of breath from his rapid speech.

'Why what?' Ziva responded looking up at him again, a bemused expression on her face at this rushed tumbled one sided conversation.

Bing. The elevator doors slid open onto the floor of Abby's Lab and Ziva moved to step out but stopped as Tim quickly turned and hit the up button, sliding the doors closed again. "Are you going to answer my question?'

Ziva stared at McGee.' Why are we both still in the elevator? Did you forget something? Do you need my help with something?'

Tim almost growled in frustration. 'Why have you been pinching my butt today? What's the sudden fascination? I mean I know you gave me a 4 out of 5 that time but I figured that was to annoy Tony more than anything and seriously this has got to stop.'

Ziva smiled brightly again 'Oh McGee, you are imagining things or well your rear end is imagining things. I did not pinch you.'

'Yes you did! I saw you!' Tim stepped even closer to Ziva in the small space and he realised he was nearly looming over her while she was gazing up at him. Ziva continued to stare at McGee, her gaze hardening and his rant started to falter. 'Well I saw you walking away….. Once… The last time you pinched me I was on my hands and knees with my head under the desk, I was checking the cables on the computer in case they had gotten loose, you gave me a fright and I banged my head on the underside of the desk and by the time I got up and out to see who it was You were walking away.'

Ziva just stared at him her eyes narrowing. Tim plunged on, ticking things off his fingers, being logical, being perfectly reasonable about this awkward situation. 'And you were the only common factor in the other two, two ……..Tim stuttered to a halt beginning to feel the ridiculousness of the situation.… 'Alleged pinchings?' Ziva helpfully replied, trying to now smother a smile.

'Well yes, first time was this morning when we were both crowded into the lift with Gibbs, Fornell, Davies and Tony. And then after lunch when I was bending down to help Davies carry those evidence boxes down to the lab.'

Ziva turned so she was fully facing McGee and placed her hands on his shoulders. 'McGee, you are a friend and a co worker. I would not embarrass you by pinching your butt at work….. no matter how nice a butt it was'. Ziva smiled up at Tim and McGee started to feel foolish as his irritation started to fade.

'Ok so it wasn't you. Then someone else is doing it and I'm back to square one.' Tim sighed. 'I should be flattered that someone thinks my butt is well, pinch worthy but really it is just embarrassing and well painful. I don't think I could take another one. '

Ziva patted his arm, comfortingly.' That's the spirit McGee.'

But at his heart Timothy McGee was more than an investigator, he was just plain flat out curious about everything, and he needed to know the answers if possible, to ALL things.

'So you haven't pinched anyone's butt today?'

'Oh yes I have but it wasn't yours.' Ziva replied confidently as the elevator doors started to slide open. Tim's eyes grew wide and he whirled stabbing at the elevator buttons to make them descend again.

'Well whose butt did you pinch then?' Tim struggled to control his breathing and stay calm, feeling that the answer to ending this painful charade was just front of him.

'Davies' Ziva said with a smile, 'He has a very cute butt, don't you think especially in those dark denim jeans he is wearing today?'

'Ziva'! Tim's voice was getting higher and louder as he waived his arms up and down himself to indicate that today he too was wearing dark denim jeans and a sports coat instead of his usual suit and tie combination.' Don't you see that you pinched me but you thought it was Davies? We were right next to each other and you didn't see our faces so that all makes perfect sense. You just need to not do it anymore.' Tim sighed, trying to rid himself of the frustration that had started to build into the familiar sensation of a headache.

'No no no sorry McGee, I do not mean to trample your feelings but one rear end was so delectable I just had to pinch it and that couldn't possible be you. I have worked with you for two years and I have never felt a compulsion to pinch you or …. well maybe sometimes to smack you or strangle you or even to gag you when you are frustrating me but well everyone wants to do that at some stage. It must be just a coincidence that someone has taken a liking to pinching you too… if they have pinched you, maybe they just bumped you and that is why you are bruised? You did say you have sensitive skin. Yes?'

McGee made a strangling noise as the elevator doors slid open again to reveal the floor of Abby's Lab.

'Are you alright McGee?' Ziva placed a concerned hand on Tim's shoulder as his face began to turn red and he gaped at her. 'Perhaps I can help you track down your mystery admirer? Maybe she is shy? Although someone who goes around grabbing men's asses should not really qualify as shy but who knows? I am willing to assist you, McGee in this endeavour'. Ziva stated firmly looking up into Tim's face. 'It would probably be best if Tony didn't know as he would simply ask every woman in the building and I don't think that is the best way to discover this person. We must for now keep this a secret between us.'

Ziva nodded to herself and leaned over and hit the button to go up, closing the elevator doors, her mind already considering how to conduct secret surveillance on another team member without Tony finding out.

Tim head whirled. This was uncalled for; unprecedented did she think he was an idiot? Couldn't she just see, just admit that it was his arse that was, as she put it delectable? The evidence was there, they were investigators, they did this for a living and yet she couldn't see! Was he truly that forgettable that she didn't even want to admit any sort of attraction for him?

Tim drew a huge breath before launching at her 'You think I'm lying?????? You don't even think I have been pinched? What, I don't know the difference between being pinched and being bumped and jabbed or poked!! That I have made it all up in my head? You pinched ME not Davies and you did it THREE different times today and there is no coincidence that could result in me being pinched by some mystery person at the exact same time as you have pinched someone else who was next to me and wearing similar clothes!! This … this …Fine I will prove it to you.'

Tim whipped off his sports coat, throwing it into the corner of the lift and then reached down and started fumbling with his belt with every intention of showing Ziva his black and blue butt in an effort to convince her.

Ziva who by this stage was practically backed up against the side of the elevator watched with some interest as Tim's big green eyes flashed and he passionately waved his arms around whilst shouting at her before appearing to start to strip naked before her.

Tony leaned back from his desk and watched as McGee and Ziva headed into the elevator. He knew the Probie had something on his mind for the last couple of hours as, well everything he thought seemed to cross that expressive face of his and generally McGeek didn't seek out being alone with Ziva in a confined space unless… Tony's mind whirred as he considered the conversation going on. It was his birthday coming up perhaps they were planning a surprise? Ha they would have to get up pretty early in the morning to try and get that past Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.

The elevator doors opened and no one stepped out but Tony could hear Tim and Zivas voices. Were they arguing? He couldn't hear clearly no matter how far he leaned over and then the doors quietly slid shut again with the two still inside.

Gear up, we've got a case! Gibbs strode to his desk, ever present cup of coffee in his hand and grabbed his badge, Sig and keys from his draw before joining Tony in front of the lift. Gibbs turned his blue eyed gaze to Tony noting the absence of half of his team. 'Where's McGee and Ziva?

'Elevator, Boss' Tony replied as he took a large gulp of the drink he had grabbed from his desk. Just then the elevator doors slid open to reveal a most unexpected sight.

Tony choked on his drink, and in a valiant effort to not simply spit it all over Gibbs, most of it chose to come out his nose, resulting in much gasping, gagging and retching as various forms of liquid suddenly appeared out his nose, mouth, down his new silk shirt or conversely down his windpipe.

'Probie! He gasped.

Gibbs blinked once at the site before him

Timothy McGee the most reserved, polite and quiet member of his diverse team was standing in the middle of the lift with his jeans, belt and jacket in a puddle around his feet, wearing just his silk boxers and a shirt and appeared to be in the act of pulling his boxers down to the rather appreciative audience consisting of Ziva standing in the corner.

'McGee!!!! What do you think you are doing????' Gibbs's voice was like a whip crack through the squad room, the effect only spoiled by Tony's continued revolting gagging, snorting sounds as he struggled to breathe and drink separately.

Pink faced McGee turned to Gibbs, still breathing heavily, his mind in the throes of passionate debate. 'Proving a point Boss' Tim reply firmly, his head held high and the conviction shining out of him that this was truly the only way this entire situation could end and he could get back to his nice quiet life.

'And can this point be proven with your pants ON McGEE??'

'No Boss. I wish it could' Tim shook his head sorrowfully. 'I told her and I told her but she just won't believe me and she won't give me any peace until she sees real evidence. I mean three times today already. I don't know if I can take anymore. She'll just keep touching me because I'm delectable so I am just going to have to show her.' … and he started to pull his boxers down again.

Gibbs blinked once, a small surprised smile on his face. This was NOT what he had expected McGee to say.

'Well gear up we have a case and I would suggest that the regulations recommend that all team members are WEARING PANTS! '

Gibbs stepped into the elevator and turned to face the door, smothering his smile. He wondered how many years of harassment it would take for McGee to snap but he must admit he hadn't been expecting a pants down session with Ziva in his conference room.

Gibbs's actions indicated that whatever was going on he was going to attend the case and he expected this team to follow. He reached out and grabbed Tony by the shoulder and hauled him into the elevator. Tony's eyes were goggling as he watched Tim struggling to get his jeans on, hoping up and down on one leg while Ziva laughingly offered her assistance and was swatted away. Suddenly Ziva reached out and stopped the elevator doors as they were closing.' I must get my gear from my desk. I will meet you at the truck' and she shot out of the elevator.

McGee watched as the object of his despair headed towards her desk and taking one final breath as the elevators doors began to close shouted out 'And Ziva stop pinching my butt!"

Gibbs sighed and took a deep swallow of this coffee. It was just going to be one of those days.


End file.
